The Older Son

(Ref. Luke 15:11-32)

I see a faint glow in the courtyard. I wonder if they’re still up. Probably not, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t hear the music and voices anymore. I can’t sleep, my mind is still spinning from everything that happened yesterday.

I walk up the dirt path to the house and step quietly into the courtyard, hoping not to wake anyone. The fire, surrounded by stones in the center of the area, has burned down to just embers. Tables are littered with food scraps and empty dishes. Must have been quite the event. You’d think they could have at least cleaned up.

I stir the coals and put some small pieces of wood on the fire. I’m hungry. I grab a small crust of bread out of the bottom of one of the baskets. Better than nothing, I guess. I wish I could have some of that beef, though. I could smell it roasting all afternoon.

This will have to suffice for now. He gets a full-on party and I get stale bread. Perfect.

I place a few logs on the fire and pull a small stool next to it. The heat from the growing flames warms my face and arms. As I’m taking my first bite of bread, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I turn and catch a glimpse of his robe. My heart sinks.

Without saying a word, he pulls a stool up to the fire just to my right. We both stare into the coals. I think my peaceful “dinner” is over.

Father strokes his beard and looks up. “Nice night, huh?”

“Yeah,” I respond.

We go back to staring at the fire. The crackling of the wood tries to fill the silence between us.

I finally look over at him. “I don’t know what to say to you… beyond what I said yesterday, anyway.”

“You said quite a lot.”

“That’s because I don’t understand. Why in the world would you take him back? And then celebrate? You heard what he did over there with our money… with your money, right?”

“Yes, I heard. And, thanks to you, everyone at the party heard too. Let me ask you this, which is worse: to dishonor your father and repent, or dishonor him and continue in it?”

“Obviously, the one who continues in it,” I reply.

“And who is more lost, the one who, after journeying for a while, recognizes that he is not where he intended to go and turns back, or he who keeps going, unwilling to consider that he might be headed the wrong direction?”

“Wait, are you insinuating that I’m lost?” I ask. “I couldn’t possibly be lost, because I never go anywhere. Every day I’m right here, breaking my back for you taking care of this god-forsaken place!”

A log falls over and sparks fill the air.

Father takes a deep breath. “As I remember it, you made the decision to stay here.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted me to do? Who else was going to take care of it?”

“Listen, I see all the hard work that you do and I appreciate it, but I can hire men to manage my farm, all I want is for you be my son.”

“It doesn’t seem to matter to you what I do. I’ve done everything you’ve asked, and more, and you obviously think less of me than someone whose foolishness has made us the laughing stock of our community.”

“My love is not limited. I don’t need to love one son less to love the other fully.”

“How can you possibly still love someone who hurt you the way he did? You think I didn’t see your heart break when he packed up everything and left?”

“You underestimate the love of a father.”

“And what about the countless hours you spent looking toward town, hoping someday he’d return?”

“I will do the same for you.”

“I am not like my brother!” I shout.

A cold wind blows through the courtyard. The flames rise higher for a moment. I see a familiar pain in Father’s eyes.

“So, what’s going to happen with him?” I ask.

“What happens to him is not your concern.”

“If he’s staying, then I’ll have no choice but to leave.”

“You do have a choice. And I hope that, in time, you’ll make the right one.”

I stand and toss what’s left of my bread into the fire.

Father looks up at me, expectantly. I look away, not wanting to see the tears forming on his face.

“I‘ve made my choice,” I whisper. I turn and walk out of the courtyard into the darkness.

~~